Busy

Sums up the weekend.

Friday we went to dinner with Keith & Lindsay. And their children. 'Nuff said.

Saturday Brent got some landscaping done in the yard with some rock and mulch. Getting the house little closer to market. I took Cameron to Carson's birthday party, then Jenson's. While it was pouring rain. Made for great hair. Nothing like loading and unloading two kiddos (one of whom is fiercely independent, and seems to not grasp the concept of "it's pouring and I'm getting soaked" as I wait for him to get his booty in the car seat) while God pours buckets. Good times. Contain your jealousy.

I dropped the kids with daddykins and tried to improve the disastrous state that I was in, and headed back out the door for Alisha's birthday. Alisha, Brandy, Sabrina and I met up at Cafe Adobe for dinner and drinks, then headed over to the Mad Potter to paint pottery (just so you know, it's a fabulous idea to have a few drinks and then attempt to paint works of art!). We had a really great time. It was great to get together with just the girls, sans kiddos, for once. It had been quite a while.
Here's the pictures from our evening http://www.flickr.com/photos/92344644@N00/page4/ ... I just set up Flickr last week at EXTREME urging from Brandy {TOTAL PEER PRESSURE} and I'm still a newbie at it. The last picture were of Brandy and I at Starbucks after the pottery place. We were entertaining ourselves after we got stuck behind the bouncer ordering lattes for every person he worked with at the club a block over. Yes, we do strange things in public. But strange people are in public, so no one really notices.

Yesterday I was over at Heather's for another party.... yes, just one more!

I have officially decided I am too old to stay up past my bedtime very often anymore. I didn't get home until about 1ish on Saturday night, and then had to proceed to pump my Incredible Hulk chest that had grown before my eyes throughout the evening. I'm still tired today. Sad, sad, sad.

Tomorrow is Fran's birthday- Brent and Cameron took him to the car show today, and we get to bond family style tomorrow night for dinner.

Here's a couple shots of the kids tonight- so cute how they're starting to play together. The dynamics of an infant and preschooler are perfect. You have one who loves for you to do or say the same thing over and over and over and over.... and one who loves to do or say the same thing over and over and over and over.... great match!

I hate being alone.

It drives me insane. I cannot stand too much down time, or time to myself. My brain thinks way too hard about way too much. Whenever Cameron is going to be gone or at school, I try to pack up the day with stuff to do and people to be with, because a day without plans drives me insane. Total insecurities. There's something deep seeded in me that goes waaay back in the trenches that equates being alone with being unloved/unwanted. I've been working so hard, especially since becoming a mom, to change that. To realize it's okay to spend time alone, to just relax. I want my kids to be comfortable with who they are, and really like themselves.
When I first started staying home with Cameron, I felt like to be a good mom to him, I had to constantly be on the go and always doing things. Every square inch of our days were planned out. And slowly, as time went on, I relaxed a little more and realized down days were a good thing. But even when they're down, I'm still with Cameron. Doing crafts, reading, playing.
But when he's gone, and I don't have anything going on, I go nuts. Yes, I realize I have another child, but she doesn't talk. Even when I'm talking to her and playing with her, my mind still wanders.
One of the worst nights of my life was a couple of weekends ago when Brent was out of town and I made the mistake of letting Cameron go stay with Shelley for the night. It was horrible. I go into complete OCD mode with my house, cleaning everything I can, and when that was all done, and Megan was asleep, it was just me. I absolutely hated it. I tried to sit down to scrap, and I couldn't. All I did was obsess over the fact that I was alone. And obsess over obsessing.
It's not that I need someone to talk to. It's just having someone there at all. I know it has to do with not being comfortable with myself, and liking myself enough to spend time alone. I wish I could just snap my fingers and change that, and be okay with being me. With who I am. That's always such an effort- always a work in progress. But I guess it's just part of life... how's that saying go- "when you're done changing, you're done"?

Isn't it the truth?

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." e.e. cummings

I struggle with this almost daily....

Had to do it

Always thought these pics were cool. So I thought I'd take one for my ATC cards. Not fabulous, but it'll work. :)

Overheard at the Keller House:

"Daddy, do you smell that?"

"What?" "Cameron, did you let a stinker?"

"Yes!"

"Geeeeezzz..."

(Might I interrupt to tell you that Brent had the nerve to look at me with the look of "Where did he get that from?!!? Gee, I wonder...such a boy)

He wears an XS in Boys now

*sniff* no more T's on the tag. It's strange the things that stop you in your tracks with the realization of how fast the pace of life is. The 'T' on there for Toddler, which his is no longer. He's a little boy now.
We were driving in the car today, and out of the blue Cameron said,"Daddy, Mommy said she wants you to give her a kiss." Although I hadn't, but maybe he just thought I needed one.

How sweet he is.


Although the pout is pretty mastered, the cuteness is expert level.

May I Present to you...

Sir King Pouts A Lot:

as a side note: yes, the blotchiness is from crying. Loudly. As if I were beating him. Yes, we were in a public restuarant. During lunch hour. Good times. This folks, is the fun stuff. All this to get a child to put the friggin napkin in his lap.

Do you ever wonder why?

I do. All the time.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of the day that my friend Heather's mom lost her battle with cancer. I remember that day in July when she found out that her mother was sick. And six months later, she was gone. I remember those feelings on my part, of wanting to help her, fix it for her, make it all better. She was incredibly close to her mother, her whole life.
Heather was pregnant with Hannah at the time- Hannah is 7 weeks older than Megan.
I remember that day that she raced to the hospital to have the ultrasound, hoping to find out what the sex of the baby was so she could get back to tell her mother before she passed away. Hannah wasn't moving that day, so they couldn't say, and by the time Heather got back to the hospital, her mom had died. I remember the helplessness in her voice when I talked to her, that ache that carries so far that you can feel it in your bones for another person.
The funeral was terrible. To see Heather up there pregnant, falling apart. I still remember that moment like it just happened. When I hugged her at the gravesite, I just wanted to take it all away for her, as I'm sure everyone else who cares about her did.

She found out a couple months later that she was having a little girl- we all wanted it for her more than anything, because she wanted to give her daughter her mother's name.

Last week we were at lunch and I asked her if it ever gets any easier. Knowing the answer, really. She said, no, just different. "You stop remembering the sickness and the end, and I just miss her now. Wanting her here for all these moments with my kids, for all these memories."

This is when I wonder why. Why do moms like mine make it, when moms like hers don't? I don't wish ill upon my mother by any means, but Heather and I have talked about it. We both have deadbeat dads (among other things) that are not a part of our lives- why not them? Why not a mom like mine, who although I would be terribly sad if she would be sick or pass away, it would not be devestation or a complete altering of my planets like it was for Heather. Heather's mom was her best friend. I'm not saying I want to dictate who comes and who goes, because I don't. And I'm absolutely positive that everything happens for a reason.
But sometimes, I just want to know why.

Mama said there'd be days like this...

there'd be days like this, my mama said....

I can't just say the words to that song. Have to sing them every time. And my mama never said that, but God help me, someone should after the day I've had with Cameron. HOW can someone so short create such a headache?!?! Ugh. Sometimes I stare at him, just speechless, because no words that come out of my mouth make it into his brain waves anyways. So I just stare at him, and imagine stringing him up by his toes in a random closet around our house, all the while with a drink in one hand. hmm...
The little devil attitude is so incredibly maddening. That one where he thinks he's being cute, so he has this smirk on his face as he sasses me, then runs like mad as he sees my eyes bulging out of my head. I'm sure that's a dead giveaway. That, or the pulsating vein in my forehead. That's when I'm imagining giving him a whirly bird or something equally self-gratifying.
What's so hard to comprehend is that he's so good 90% of the time....but geez can he make up for lost time in that last 10%. It almost cracks me up when I pick him up for school, and the teachers are going on about how wonderful he is and so sweet and how lucky they are to have him in the class and blah blah blah.... and somehow in the 10 minute drive home I feel the urge to stop the car at the nearest corner and drop him off with a sign around his neck "Free to good home" because I guess he used up all that sweetness at school or something.
*sigh* I really do love my child more than anything, but on days like this, it's a fantastic coping mechanism to think up interesting ways I could feel better....

Baby Yoga

How do we go from eating our toes to straining ourselves to tie our shoes?

Love my baby!

Brent hates these bows on her head- he says they look like a bird sailed over us and pooed on her head. At the birthday party Saturday I told Brandy this (after she said the bow looked cute!) and she said, "Now that you say that, I can see that".
But, some days I just feel the urge for her chicken fuzz to be adorned somehow, and I am totally against the bows that take up a whole head, or the headbands that look like I wrapped up old pantyhose to make a bow on top of her head, so the bird poo stays.

Tagged!

I was tagged by Shannon! Here goes:
4jobs I've had in my life {most recent first}
1. Branch Manager @ Wells Fargo Bank
2. Asst. Mgr @ WFB
3. Personal Banker @ WFB
4. Teller@ WFB
Exciting, huh? Before the Wells Fargo days, I had miscellanious waitressing jobs!

4 movies you would watch over and over.
Not much of a movie watcher these days, but off the top of my head-
1. Tommy Boy
2. Toy Story (not neccessarily my top choice, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease!)
3. Toy Story 2 (refer to #2)
4. Meet the Parents

4 places you have lived:
1. various locales around Houston
2. Novato, CA
3. Tucson, AZ
4. Lacey, WA

4 TV shows you love to watch:
1. CSI (the original & NY)
2. Law & Order (any of them)
3. Survivor
4. Little Bear on Noggin :P

Places you have been on vacation:
Don't get Brent started on this one since he complains we always use vacation to visit dysfunctional family that we can't stand to be around for the most part-
1. Las Vegas (at least once a year since Brent and I have been together)
2. Washington (to visit dysfunctional family grouping A1)
3. Alabama (to visit dysfunctional family grouping A2)
4. South Dakota (to visit Brent's grandparents along with dysfunctional family B to travel with us)

4 websites you visit daily
1. ABC 13 news
2. Pink is the new blog (love trashy celebrity news and he does it so well)
3. Hotmail (to check all my junk mail)
4. KNK (to look at scrapping and talk about scrapping, instead of spending that time actually scrapping)

4 favorite foods
1. Diet Coke (it's somehow a food, right?)
2. sushi (could eat it every day)
3. fondue (everything is always better dipped in something)
4. crawfish ( only with beer- and crawfish season is coming! Woohoo- I'm not pregnant this season!!!)

4 places I'd rather be right now:
1. hmm... toughie....I'm pretty happy where I'm at!
2. some fabulous vacation somewhere with a drink in my hand
3. skiing in Colorado
4. in my bed

4 bloggers I am tagging...
another toughie... all the nosy rosies that I know read this either A) already got tagged by Shannon or B) don't have a blog of their own!

I'm a countdown girl.

I just realized it today. I always love having something to countdown to and look forward to. Just got the email for the [url=http://www.meltingpot.com/]Melting Pot[/url] for Valentine's Day. LOVE that place and Brent and I go ever Vday. Perfect spot for the romance. You know, that stuff that slooowly wanes away as life progresses. Gotta take a few times a year to put it in check, you know? Anyways, can't wait. It's a month away!

Been a little bit since posting. Too much crapola- then I consider posting about it, only to contemplate how bad my hand will cramp by the time I get done, so I think "Nah."

Megan's started playing with her toes yesterday. SOO freakin' adorable! And I took the cutest little nudie pictures of her right after her bath the other night, but if I black out her chunky little booty to post it on here, then it will defeat the whole purpose of the Naked Chunky Baby Booty Picture that has to be taken of every child in the world. So, just picture the cuteness!

Brent's out of town for the weekend. He's going to freak out when he gets home. Gramma decided to buy Cameron cowboy boots and a whole sheriff/cowboy getup today. So he can be like Woody. But the boots are the real deal, and he's never going to want to take them off. And he picked out the most obnoxious redneck boots in the place. Shelley will be proud; Daddy, not so much. I need to do a layout of Cameron in all of his costumes. He wears almost all of them at some point in the day if we're home for any length of time. He usually takes his jammies off and puts a costume on before he ever leaves his room. Buzz, chicken, pilot, frog, trojan man (yeah, it cracks me up too) , football player, train conductor, and now cowboy.

My MIL and I were eating dinner tonight with a friend of mine and somehow we were talking about running for the fun of it. I consider 'running' and 'fun' an oxymoron, but what do I know? Anyways, Anita says,"I just read a study that women have twice as many knee problems as men do." to which my friend said, "Really? Women must use their knees a lot more." PUH-LEEAAASSSEEE tell me I am not the only one that would die laughing from that!

We are one scary family.

Martha Stewart would run like mad if she saw these.
L-R: Mom, Cameron (of course the biggest one is him), Dad & Megan.

It's amazing the things that excite me.

I'm totally excited. Brent put in a new kitchen faucet today. Our old one started leaking, so he put in one that's much higher, and has the spray nozzle on it. AND I have a handy dandy soap dispenser now too where our old sprayer used to be. Could life get any more fabulous?!?
We have a bouncing baby girl in the house.... literally. We got out the Johnny Jump up for Megan this morning and she's loving it like Cameron did. Cameron has a serious urge to 'help' her bounce... gotta keep an eye on that.

We went to the horse track with Rich last night. We had a great time. I had an exceptional time because all of my horses won... not that I'm an enormous gambler. Just happy walking out with a little more than I walked in with, and paid for the amazingly healthy dinner of nachos the three of us dined on.
We were talking to Rich last night about how his life is now (Rich was hit by a drunk driver when he was a sophmore in college and is now a quadrapeligic. Brent and Rich have been friends since 4th grade.) and where he wants it to go. He's studying to become a financial planner to work in investments. I'm always humbled by him- he's always got his dreams and determination. Anyways, he lives off of disability, and lives with his dad and stepmother- he's got kind of a studio apartment that they built him there that's perfect for him. But his dad charges him rent. This has always infuriated Brent that Rich has to pay his own father rent with the little bit he gets every month. But this is one of those moments that I think Brent is looking at it from the eyes of Brent's world. I look at it as most likely Bob wants Rich to be able to live as much of an independant life as an adult should (he doesn't charge much- like $200 or something) and he provides the groceries and everything. See, Brent knows without a doubt that his parents would do everything and anything for him if the same were to happen to him and never charge him anything of any kind. I, other the other hand, know without a doubt (we're speaking hypothetically before we met each other) that I would have been S.O.L. and not had anyone helping with jack shiznit. So I look at Rich's situation totally different than Brent does.
I don't even want to think if something were to happen to my children, and I feel like it's one of those things that you have to walk in the shoes before you know. What do you think? Right or wrong? Just curious.

Tonight was a steak and baked potato!

Yeah, she's digging it. Tonight she wanted to jabber more than eat though. Typical girl I suppose.

Cameron got his first transformer tonight. Brent has his from when he was a kid (among many other toys- the guy saved everything) and Cameron's been obsessed with it since he saw it. Everything under the sun is a 'transformer'. So we got him one tonight. Brent got his out too and they were playing with them together- boys and their toys- never changes, eh? I didn't get a picture at the time though- had my udders attached to the pump at the time, and I'm not that talented to pump and take fantastic pictures all at once. As good moms do though, I shall recreate the moment soon and get pictures then.

We went down to Shelley's on NY Day- Cameron got to take a ride on Gus, as he always loves to do, only this time he came in and said "I got to ride Gus bareback, like the real cowboys do Mom!" He also got to go feed the newest mini bull and the new donkey, but wasn't too interested in them at all.... my AR son is never really interested in petting farm animals- they're too dirty for him. rofl.

Got a very cute picture of the kids together- although Kurstee isn't much of a kid anymore- she'll be 15 in a few months. *sigh* seems like just yesterday I was teaching her the meaning of See-food and how to get a good burp out. No worries on that one though- Shelley makes sure to pay me back with neat little tricks to teach Cameron too, so it all comes around. Or the great gifts, like the plastic recorder (remember those from elementary school?) that he walks around the house playing. Ugh. But the frog chair is pretty cool, along with his Superman cape. And she got him an Ole Miss hat, but Brent promptly snagged it when we got home. :)

Tuesday was getting back into the swing of things- Brent went back to work and Cameron was back at school. I felt a little empty with them gone. The holidays are always such a hustle and bustle, and I always feeling something like a holiday hangover the week after New Year's. :( Feeling better now though- getting in the groove for 2006 and reconnecting with everything & everyone always does the trick!

Megan has eaten her first cheeseburger!

Nah, not quite. But she did consume something resembling solids. *sniff* Time flies when you're having fun!

Drool Baby, Drool!

Happy New Year!

In the quest for a family photograph these days...this folks, is as good as it gets.... child looking stoned, and yak down the front of baby. If you don't actually click on the picture, you really can't see it though....

Had a great time NYE, fabulous food for which I owe the credit of making my jeans that much tighter, and great friends...

Sadly, I didn't get a lot of great pictures of the fireworks. I am totally not worthy of my Rebel. What good is a kick ass camera when you don't know how the frick to work it?!?! Yes, it's been noted on my NY Resolutions...

The decorations are down(quite depressing), and AR (Anal Retentive) husband is now dismantling the tree bit by bit to find where the lights went wrong. As I sit and laugh. Yes, the devil and I are well aquianted from time to time...also noted on the NY Resolutions...

I always feel the need to redecorate our house after the holidays and the decorations are packed away. I feel like everything looks so bland. I was pathetic enough to write a list today of what I want (along with a couple sketches) to do with everything. Pretty pointless, since we're moving. Sometime. To somewhere. Brent swears we're putting the house on the market in the spring. We've been scouting around in the neighborhood Rita lives in- we both really like it back there. We shall see... the plans have changed too many times to count.

Made my resolutions page today- had some fun with it- that doodling thing is growing on me... had some new pens Anita gave me for xmas I thought I'd give a whirl.